


I'm In

by RuthlessBallard



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Babyfic, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, It's sad then really sweet, Lesbian Moms, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25744078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuthlessBallard/pseuds/RuthlessBallard
Summary: Years after Voyager's return and a series of traumatic events, two women turn to one another for comfort and slowly become a family without even knowing it.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

The bar was surprisingly quiet for a Thursday night. Most of the Starfleet campus was gone for the holidays but BE’lanna was happy to see her favorite bar was still open. A few tables, here and there, were occupied by students and professors toasting to surviving yet another grueling finals week. It didn’t take long to see a hand waving in the corner, beckoning her over. She weaved her way through the tables with a smile and plopped herself next to the large body in the booth.

“I ordered your usual” Chakotay informed her as they shared a quick side hug.

“Thanks. Were you waiting long?” 

“Not long at all. Just a few minutes.”

A glass was placed in front of the woman by a quiet waiter and the two clinked glasses.

“Just a couple more weeks.”

“Just barely.”

“Are you excited?”

“Of course but it’s been such a whirlwind lately.”

“How’s she feeling?”

“Uncomfortable. Large. Impatient.”

“Kathryn Janeway? impatient? I’m shocked.”

They shared a chuckle before an honest vulnerability crossed the Klingon woman’s features.

“She says she hurts. It takes a lot for her to say that.”

The corners of his mouth drooped down slightly. A very faint line of worry creased across his forehead. She looked down, slightly sloshing the dark liquid in the confines of her glass.

“She got me up, as usual, yesterday morning but she was….different…she wouldn’t talk” BE’lanna continued “even when sleepy she always has an idea for a new study to tell me about or schematics she’d been overseeing. She just sat on the bed. I asked if she was ok and she just starts crying. Not hard or anything, misted up, I guess you could say. She told me she hurts. That’s all she said was ‘I just hurt’”.

Finally, she looked up at the face of an old friend. It could still be awkward at times talking about her partner to a man whom she knows still holds a flame for, even years from their time in the Delta Quadrant. Though it was in these moments, it was never about who “won the girl” but simply about loving her. Loving Kathryn was all-consuming and never easy. It was good to have a buddy in it.

“It takes a lot for her to say that” he replied softly.

“I know. She’s been uncomfortable for some time, I mean that’s just how pregnancy is but this is the first time she seemed…not ok. I’m being ridiculous.” BE’lana scolded herself before rubbing her eyes in frustration “I’m acting like a first-year cadet.”

“No. It’s a little haunting when she’s vulnerable. You’re relieved she’s opening up but….”

“…but then you worry about how bad it has to be for her to get to that point.”

“Exactly.”

Having a baby with her former Captain was never what BE’lanna would’ve imagined when they returned home. They were close friends and only that for many years to come. Then Tom got sick and in that horrible year it took for the vibrant young man to succumb to his illness, Kathryn became an unsuspecting shoulder to lean on. Kathryn had been somewhat of an older sister to Tom. With their similar childhoods, competitive spirits, and dry humor, they understood each other on a level not many could. 

When Tom passed, BE’lanna fell into a deep depression. She barely ate and threw herself into work. No one could get through to her, not even Chakotay. She would have ended it all if it weren’t for Miral. The world held no interest to her without Tom. She was adrift without him. Yet, when Kathryn would barge through the door with a sack full of groceries and a new book for Miral, a wisp of Tom was felt in the air. 

They grieved together. Kathryn losing a brother and BE’lanna losing a husband. They leaned on each other and spent their energy on trying to make life as normal as possible for the little girl after the death of her father. Eventually, Kathryn moved in to help with the childcare and combat her own loneliness after the passing of her mother. 

Weeks passed and getting out of bed wasn’t so impossible. Months passed and a new normal was established for the makeshift family. Years passed and their partnership was never questioned. 

There was no coming out of any sort. They were simply Kathryn and BE’lanna. Their bond was simply a fact and it felt right. 

Their life was perfect bliss until the night Kathryn was attacked. It was at a Starfleet Gala. It was so textbook, Kathryn could almost laugh, almost. A simple greeting from a smiling gentleman. An offer to refresh her cocktail. A couple of drops of an unknown substance. Next thing she knew she awoke many hours later on the floor of the women’s bathroom, her head woozy. She leaked from a gash on her forehead and between her legs. An employee of the ballroom discovered her when closing up and she was quickly swept off to medical.

“Well, this isn’t exactly what I meant when I said sometimes I miss the college experience.” Kathryn attempted to joke as her partner fumed by her bedside.

The Klingon was seeing red and craving revenge but her anger was shaken when they received news that Kathryn was pregnant. Both assumed that Kathryn was exiting her years of fertility but thanks to good genes and modern medicine, she was fit to carry a child to term. They were shocked, to say the least. 

“I don’t see it as….his,” Kathryn said softly, as they lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, two nights after receiving the news.

“It’s not his. He doesn’t get that right.” BE’lanna hissed

“Are we doing this then?”

The Klingon woman rolled to her side to examine her lover. Slowly, Kathryn rolled her head to look back.

“Is this what you want? Because if it is….”

“It doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels like…like a calling. It just….it…”

“It just is.”

“Yeah, it just is.”

The former Captain was pale, her mouth drawn down, her cheeks still splotchy from a good cry, and her humiliation still running its course. And yet, in the darkness of it all, there was a glimmering light of hope in her eyes. 

“Then I’m in.” BE'lanna stated softly "I'm all in."

Kathryn smiled weakly as she placed a hand against her lover's cheek. They kissed and hesitantly, BE'lanna placed a hand on Kathryn's stomach. They dissolved into tears and held one another through the night.

Eight months of a lot of healing had passed and though their pain was still evident, the little family persisted. 

“She’s going to be an amazing mom,” Chakotay said warmly

“She already is” she replied in kind before taking a deep sigh and sip of beer “so tell me about this big research project you’re on.”

The two spent a good hour catching up and sharing a laugh when BE’lannas badge chirped.

‘Torres here” 

“B…its…” Kathryn’s voice wobbled from the badge

“Kathryn? Is this is it?”

“All systems go!” The pregnant woman barked

Without a word, BE’lanna jumped into action. She was about to be a mother again with a woman she would move the cosmos for. She was in for an adventure. She was in for it all. 

She’s in.


	2. Kathryn - The Arrival

“One more. You got this.” B’Elanna said into Kathryn’s ear. 

Kathryn could only respond in a low groan. The baby sat low on her spine, causing painful back labor. They were into hour thirty of such an agonizing endeavor. Kathryn ranged from a witty retort to concentrated silence, to random fits of tears, and finally begging to be put out of her misery. Deep in her soul, she had both looked forward to this day and feared it. This child was both a new beginning but also a reminder of a terrible betrayal.

“I hate this” she groaned

“I know. I know. I promise you get to punch every smug male in the crotch after this.” B’Elanna replied from somewhere near. She would’ve laughed if she wasn’t absolutely sure she was about to die.

“Just a few more strong pushes and your child will be born.” The Doctor urged

“Oh god, no” Kathryn replied weakly 

Despite her plea, she bore down. Growling even.

“Good. Good. Keep going!” The Doctor calmly urged

Kathryn released a choked sob as her body gave out with its latest contraction, only preparing for another.

“You’re doing beautifully, Kathryn.” Chakotay said lovingly from somewhere in the room.

She was thankful he was there. She knew it must’ve been hard to see his dear friend live out the life he dreamed with her. They had a falling out shortly after their return, but Tom’s death shook the entire crew to their core and knocked a bit of sense into them as well. Shortly after Tom’s funeral, they sat down for a long hard chat and decided despite the hurt inflicted on one another, not being in each other’s life was unbearable.

“One more and your baby will be here!” The Doctor announced

B’Elanna released an uncharacteristic squeal of excitement. Strong arms held her a little tighter as she supported Kathryn’s weight from behind. Kathryn’s head lulled nearly off her lover’s shoulder. Her head was swimming. She was nearing delirium. The world of Starfleet Medical disappeared hours ago. She was lost at sea. Marooned to the mercy of the waves of pain. She just wanted to rest, if she could just rest! A contraction gripped her but, suddenly, she couldn’t follow through with the only command she had been following for….an hour? A day?

“I promise you Admiral, just one more!” The Doctor urged with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Please, I know you’re tired…” her lover urged

Another choked sob. Her head lulled once more. She couldn’t catch a breath. She couldn’t hold focus.

Her head was stilled by two large, warm hands. It was then, Chakotay’s face appeared above her. His expression serious but his eyes were kind.

“Kathryn, you’re going to be ok. This will all be over soon.” He said slowly and deliberately “the pain will be over soon. We’ve asked so much of you and you’ve been amazing, but there’s a little crew member here who needs you to give a little more. Just one more. Can you do that?”

“Your crew member needs you” B'Elanna urged

They knew that would ignite the Captain in her. Bastards.

“Breathe in…” Chakotay instructed 

She gasped for air.

“…And push!” B'Elanna cheered

And she did. She gritted her teeth, she shook from the effort, and soon the pain was over just as Chakotay predicted. 

A pause. A gurgle, and suddenly a little squeak of a cry.

Chakotay released a happy laugh with tears in his eyes. It was then Kathryn realized that he had been holding her hand for some time. B'Elanna peppered her hair with kisses, and countless “thank you’s”, followed by hundreds of “I love you’s”. 

Kathryn felt a wave of immense relief and then numbness. She allowed her eyes to close and her head to fall back. She allowed her breathing to slowly ease back down. After a short while, a warm little body was placed on her chest. Instinctively, she supported the little bundle, placing a hand against the mewling creature. Kathryn opened her eyes and for the first time, greeted her child.

“It’s a girl” someone informed her. Whom? She didn’t care.

Two dark orbs stared back. Betazoid. Pensive and observant. The same dark orbs that observed her carefully as he handed her that sparkling flute of champagne. The same observant stare as her feet suddenly stopped following her orders. The same orbs that glinted with evil intent as he gently slipped her away into the shadows of the nearest hallway. But her eyes, her daughter’s eyes, they held no dangerous glint. Only curiosity. Only a million questions anyone would have if they were ripped away from all they knew. Kathryn could relate.

Her skin was nearly translucent. She barely weighed more than a tricorder. She released tiny grunts as she observed her surroundings. A smattering of damp curls decorated her crown, a button nose and mouth too large for someone so small.

“Oh my god! She’s perfect!” B’Elanna gushed

“She’s beautiful.” Chakotay chimed in

The baby looked like the memory. There was a serious aura about her that was very much like her paternal parent. Kathryn’s heart clenched as it always did during the times he would needle into her thoughts. And yet… 

“Five pounds, one ounce. Nineteen inches.” The Doctor announced proudly as he waved his tricorder over them. “Now we should initiate a latch right away in order to…”

The Doctor was shushed. 

“Kathryn?”

And yet…

“Kathryn? Are you alright?”

And yet…she was all her own. She was pure and fresh. She was magnificent and lovely. She was gentle and innocent. She was….

“What’s her face? I can’t read her. Hu’tegh! Help me move I….I need to see them!”

The babe opened her little fist, slowly. So unsure. 

Starfish. Her hands were little starfish. Yes, she was all her own. The circumstances of her conception didn’t touch her. It wasn’t worthy enough to touch her. She was…

They jostled slightly, causing the infant to let out a surprised mewl and for Kathryn to groan as her sore body disagreed with the sudden movement. Another warm hand, a familiar hand, cupped her cheek. She glanced up to see the concerned and tearful eyes of her love. They stared at one another for a moment, sending silent messages of apologies and adoration. Finally, Kathryn smiled and pulled her in for a meaningful kiss. It was gentle and unhurried. It best communicated their bursting hearts. 

“Lila.” Kathryn stated, “Her name is Lila.”

The searching orbs zeroed in on her. Lila knew she had been claimed.

B’Elanna simply wept, kissing Kathryn’s sweaty brow before gently stroking the little starfish.

“Lila, my name is Kathryn. Admiral Kathryn Janeway of The Starfleet Federation of Planets and I am your mother. And you are….everything.”

It was then the great admiral dissolved into tears, dissolved into love and mercy.


End file.
